The fine line that is so easy to cross if you're not careful

One of the major problems with my son when he was suffering from his eating disorder was exercise addiction. You can find out more about this on my other blog... I prefer not to go into detail here because I've already done that on countless occasions and it isn't helpful to my peace of mind...


As for myself, as a cyclist and someone who struggles with mental health as a result of being in the thick of extreme trauma for so very long, I am aware that there is a fine line between exercising / cycling to release endorphins and have fun - and cycling as a means of deadening the extreme anxiety, fear and anguish that is constantly whirling around my chest and head these days.

In other words, cycling to exhaustion so all I can think about is getting to the top of that hill... and then another hill... And cycling to get away from the house which in itself is a trigger as most of the trauma took place within these walls.

So there's a temptation for things to cross the fine line between exercise that is good for you and exercise that is potentially destructive. Plus a growing sense of compulsion to get out there on my bike and cycle at least 30 miles. Up hills.

Which side of the line am I?

I'd say I'm hovering in between depending on my levels of anxiety and whether or not I can manage this using the umpteen CBT, Mindfulness, etc techniques I've been taught in countless PTSD therapy sessions.

Because CBT, etc is only helpful when the anxiety and fear is at a certain level. Above that level, it's tricky to find peace.

But it's good that I'm aware of the fine line: the difference between good exercise and bad exercise.

However, being aware of it doesn't necessarily mean I don't slip over the line on occasions...